


What I Need

by Pearl_Unplanned



Series: Cap_Ironman Bingo 2016 (1) [11]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Sad Tony, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-19 21:28:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7378030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearl_Unplanned/pseuds/Pearl_Unplanned
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After defeating Ultron, Steve wants Tony to stay and help train the new Avengers team.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What I Need

 

            Tony stared at the burned mark in the grass, the only sign that Thor had been on Earth just seconds earlier. "That man has _no_ regard for lawn maintenance."

            Always start with a joke. Tony glanced over at Steve. They were just seconds away from a conversation that he really didn't want to be having, not after everything had just gone down. Sokovia was his fault, he _knew_ that. Ultron wasn't supposed to be a villain, he wasn't _supposed_ to attempt to destroy the world. But because he did, tens if not hundreds of people were dead.

            And it was all his fault.

            "But I'm going to miss him," Tony said, because he couldn't stop talking. Why couldn't he just shut up? He might say something he'd regret. "...and you're going to miss me."

            He already had too many regrets.

            The suit was waiting for him. Normally he would've just driven one of his sports cars home, but today he felt like flying. He needed to clear his head. When he had too much weighing him down—all of those people, it was all his fault—flying temporarily lifted that weight off his shoulders.

            "I _will_ miss you." Steve sounded so genuine that it made Tony freeze in his tracks and look over at the man.

            Even after the battle, Steve still looked so glorious. He still stood tall, still looked strong and hopeful. There was a shadowed look of horror in his eyes, which once more reminded Tony just how young Steve really was. It wasn't like he'd gained years of experience and wisdom while on ice. Without those years, Steve was still in his mid-twenties. Even through all the horrors he'd seen—World War II, the Battle of New York, the attack on Sokovia and every other mission they'd been on—he still could seem hopeful.

            That was something Tony admired about the man. He was so _good_. Totally, completely, unbelievingly good.

            He didn't want to taint that goodness. He didn't want to darken Steve with the shadows of his doubts, his fears, his burdens.

            After the silence hung between them for a while, Steve added, "I want to restart the Avengers. I know the team hasn't really managed to stay as a team for very long... and now without Thor and Banner, things are going to be different."

            "No Barton either," Tony pointed out. Clint was one of the lucky few—he had a wife, a family, and a nice simple life when he wasn't with the Avengers. Tony didn't want that to be taken away from him. He didn't want Clint to go out on a mission and not return. It was selfish, but he didn't want to lose his teammate, or make that call to Laura. She was such a wonderful woman, and he could see just how happy she made Clint.

            "I've got a team gathered, though. Natasha was going to stay here and train them with me," Steve said, reaching out to put a hand on Tony's shoulder. His heart ached with such a familiar pain. Why would someone as good as Steve want to be around someone like him? The Merchant of Death, never able to make up for the sins he'd gathered through the decades. And now there were so many more lives lost because of his actions.

            "Good luck with that, Cap," Tony said, stepping away. The hurt look that crossed Steve's face was physically painful to look at.

            "I was hoping that maybe you'd stay here, and help train the team with me," Steve said. God, he was so innocent. Why did he have to be so innocent?

            "Sorry Cap, but I'm out," Tony said, opening up his suit. He needed to get back to the tower. He needed to right some of the wrongs he'd done. He needed to help people.

            He didn't need to hurt Steve.

            Determination flashed through his eyes, those beautiful blue eyes. "But I need—"

            "There's nothing you can say that's going to make me join the team," Tony said, closing the suit up. It felt nice, having the cold metal around him. Familiar machines buzzed to life, and the faceplate lit up. Steve hadn't moved back to let Tony take off. He needed to stay informal. The speakers would keep the emotion in his voice hidden. "The answer is no, Captain."

            "Tony."

            Steve didn't move. Those damn puppy dog eyes of his stayed staring at him, and for a second, he didn't want to leave.

            He wanted to stay here, tell Steve that he'd never leave. He wanted to give him the world, pledge his loyalty, show his love.

            He'd never be able to do any of those.

            "Tony," Steve repeated, his voice never wavering. "I need _you_."

            Steve was met with a silent, expressionless mask before the suit blasted off into the sky, hiding the tears that ran down Tony's face.


End file.
